Labyrinth13 presents: Hanging with the Goth Kids ( Goths in the news, on TV, and in popular culture


You've Been Goth Served, a scene from South Park episode 805, You Got F'd in the A. "We don't dance like those Britney and Justin wannabes at school. Goth kids dance to express pain and suffering."

The Goth Kids Drinking Cough Syrup, a very short scene from South Park episode 811, Quest for Ratings. "They call it cough syrup, cough medicine, cold and flu remedy. But behind closed doors at South Park Elementary, it also has a street name: Koochie, Wombat Juice, Tigger Yum Yum."

Curly Goth in a very short scene from South Park episode 904, Best Friends Forever. "Hey dick-hole, wadda ya think your doing?"

The Goth Kids at the Talent Show, a short scene from South Park episode 907, Erection Day. "No, no, no-no, no, I'm not gonna be in the talent show."

Revenge of the Goth Kids, selected scenes from South Park episode 1214, The Ungroundable. "Burn, burn down, burn down, Hot Topic! Don't let it steal your soul away."

Dancing with the Goth Kids, a fan film I created and set to the music of The Cure song, A Forest. "Dancing is something you do alone, in your room, at three in the morning."

Saturday Night Live, Episode 1 of Goth Talk, The Beholder. Circe Nightshade: We are coming to you live from the Prince of Sorrow's house in Tampa, Florida. Azrael, how does the evening find you? Azrael Abyss: Forlorn. I had to work a double shift at Cinnabon today."

Saturday Night Live, Episode 4 of Goth Talk, Countess Cobwella. "Welcome to Goth Talk. I'm Circe Nightshade. And I'm Azrael Abyss, Prince of Sorrow. Prepare yourself, children of the night. Tonight we are going to take you spiraling down, down, down into the ecstasy of the unearthly."

Saturday Night Live, Episode 5 of Goth Talk, The Prom of Doom. "Serving Florida's Gulf coast, you're watching Channel 33, Sunshine State Cable Access. Welcome to the show that explores the moody depths of the goth lifestyle here in Tampa, Florida."

Saturday Night Live, Episode 9, Marla & Cody's Blair Witch Tour. "The legend of the Blair Witch is back. At the scene of the original tragedy, enterprising locals lead young tourists headlong into mystery . . . and terror.

Hope Is Emo, Chapter 1, The Words are Dying. "I even wonder, like, the word, 'love.' How many times has it been erased or deleted or burned or . . . ? And there are some words that we should get rid of . . . like goth-tard."

Hope Is Emo, Chapter 2, Hiders and Seekers. "How big is my cup size? Does it matter? You know? How big is my soul? So like, it's really hard to be a seeker, especially if you are not stacked or whatever."

An exploitative Fox News segment titled, Goth Murder Madness, that features a great interview with goth musician and author Voltaire. "If he was an enthusiast of country [music], would this be [called] a country [music] murder?"

A 1987 British news broadcast about the "newest shocking youth subculture" known as "the Gothics." "There are others who believe that, like true vampires with too much exposure, this weird cult may just simply fade away."

Television commercial for Dell computers that pokes fun at the first meeting between Missy and Cloris, two conspicuously polar-opposite college roommates. "I bet your favorite color is black."

Television commercial for Heineken dark beer that shows two gentlemen who are quite obviously at the wrong nightclub. "It's dark, but it's not that dark."

Television commercial for the Irn Bru soft drink about a group of mopey goths who get so energized that they go on holiday in Blackpool. Soundtrack song is Here Comes the Summer by The Undertones.

Television commercial for Kodak cameras featuring a goth girl who uses her photography skill to capture photos for both a school project and her love interest's heart. "Capture someone's attention - capture what's inside of you."

Television commercial for the 2008 KIA Sportage car in which a trio of goth musicians accept a ride from a helpful Cajun gentleman after their tour bus breaks down in a Louisiana swamp. "Man, you look a little pale, huh? I think you used too much sunscreen."

Television commercial parody of Hallmark cards that proves that there really is a card for every occasion. Produced and directed by Daniel Azarian. "Hallmark: It's never too late."

Television commercial for Delissio garlic bread pizza and a lesson in how fathers just seem to know things. "He's not a vampire dad, he's a goth."

German television commercial parody about a goth girl whose mother airlifts her entire wardrobe to Africa. The end dialog translates as: Sinister - For dresses that your mother hates.

Audition clip of actress Kathryn Vaughan who appears in the Irn Bru soft drink commercial above. Interviewer: What do you do for fun? Kathryn: Ah, sit in dark rooms, listen to music, play musical instruments."

Independently produced television commercial parody for Goth Barbie dolls. Directed by Brian Forrest. "If the despair of your existence is too much to bear, weave an all new tapestry of pain with Goth Barbie."

Independently produced commercial for the online art community deviantArt, directed by Caitlin Pashalek. Tagline: Time For a Bigger Audience?

Short video about an enthusiastic, but decidedly clueless shock rocker/goth guy who is hired to create a television commercial to promote a local family restaurant. The end result is both shocking and hilarious. Written and directed by Liam Lynch for the podcast Lynchland - Episode 15.

Clips from two different television commercials - one Staples ad and one Marriott Residence Inn ad, featuring shock rocker/proto-goth Alice Cooper as the spokesperson. Tagline: You don't want your kids to grow up to be weirdoes, do you?

Television commercial for XO Communications in which the CEO of a rival telecommunications company discusses his new 24 hour customer service business plan. "This is Balgazar, Prince of Misery, Apprentice to Evil . . ."

An Irish goth son, home from school for the weekend, finds out that his mum has been shopping for him at the Lidl supermarket. "I can't be seen with that!"

Fan video of Abby Sciuto (Pauley Perrette) as the perky gothic forensic scientist featured on the NCIS television show. Set to the music of the Depeche Mode song Dressed in Black.

A few scenes from the British television comedy, The IT Crowd, featuring the goth Richmond who lives behind a red door inside a dark computer server room. "We're just like you, really, except we listen to Cradle of Filth."

Two scenes from Goths, an episode of the BBC program Spine Chillers. Two North London goths, Grishnack and Tim, rent a new apartment, redecorate, and decide to throw a party.

Trailer for the animated short film Emelia the Five Year Old Goth Girl, written and directed by Derek Flood. Emelia is one cool kid and since she is only five years old, we can forgive her for liking Marilyn Manson.

A video titled Bloaty the Frog from the animated series Lenore: The Cute Little Dead Girl, created and written by Roman Dirge. "A dirge for her, the doubly dead, in that she died so young." Excerpt from the poem Lenore by Edgar Allan Poe.

Gothbot cartoon from The Frown: We Are Robots series. "Uh, whatever you are about to say is just going to embarrass you and annoy me, so I think we can just fast-track you straight to rejection."

Short clip from the movie Corpse Bride, featuring the charming piano duet scene between Victor Van Dort and his mortuus amor. "Pardon my enthusiasm!"

Short clip from the movie The Year Without a Santa Claus in which the truly cool BeGoth dolls are pitched to Santa Claus by a smarmy product spokesperson dressed as a mall goth. "The BeGoth 'Bake in Black' techno oven, so hot!"

Independently produced short film titled, Goth Milk?, about a group of goths, their favorite coffee shop, and the choices they make. Directed by Peter Atencio. Music by The Shins and The White Stripes. "I drink my coffee black because that's how I feel on the inside."

A short film about the love too miserable to speak its name. Goths Make Better Lovers asks why do Goths always have boyfriends/girlfriends? Goths, so often the victims of wry asides, mild pity or open scorn have much to teach their more colorful brethren when it comes to affairs of the heart. Directed by Sebastian Grant. "Goths! Really? Well, thanks for letting us know!"

Fan video that I created using the ThouShaltNot song If I Only Were a Goth, along with various movie clips and other images. "Would you like another clove? Well, sure! And after that we'll go listen to The Cure."

Two German industrial goths dancing in a field to the Combichrist song, Without Emotions. "Without emotions, without feelings, without love, without hate. Breath is just a clock . . . ticking . . . ticking . . . ticking."

Club scene from the 1983 film The Hunger featuring Peter Murphy of Bauhaus performing the goth classic Bela Lugosi�s Dead. "The virginal brides file past his tomb, strewn with time's dead flowers, bereft in deathly bloom."

Video for the Bauhaus song Ziggy Stardust, a track included on the 1982 album The Sky's Gone Out. "Now, Ziggy played guitar, jamming good with Weird and Gilly and the Spiders from Mars."

Music video of The Cure performing the song Just Like Heaven from the 1987 album Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me. This one takes you back to a time when androgyny and the all-black attire/pale-skinned goth look were just coming into vogue.

Video of The Birthday Party performing the song Junkyard on a 1982 edition of the German television program Gotterdammerung. Features a young Nick Cave on lead vocals. "One dead marine through the hatch. Scratch and scrape this heavenly body. Every inch of winning skin. There's garbage in honey's sack again."

Video of Joy Division performing the songs Transmission and She's Lost Control on the BBC's Something Else program. "But she expressed herself in many different ways, until she lost control again. And walked upon the edge of no escape, and laughed, 'I've lost control.'"

Video of Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, one of the finest of the British post-punk/proto-goth bands, playing the 1985 song Spinning Round. A British music critic once referred to them as, "the four gaunt guitarmen of the Apocalypse. They take a pretty tune and bury it alive." (The opening clip is from the British television sitcom, Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps).

Video of Siouxsie & The Banshees performing the Iggy Pop song The Passenger. "I am the passenger. And I ride and I ride. I ride through the city's backside. I see the stars come out of the sky. Yeah, they're bright in a hollow sky. You know it looks so good tonight."

Video of The Wake performing the song Sideshow. The Wake were among the first of the original American deathrock bands and were formed in 1986. They hail from Columbus, Ohio.

Video of Screams for Tina performing the song Graveyard Mary. Screams for Tina were also one of the first of the original American deathrock bands and were formed in 1985 in Los Angeles, California.

Here is an original 1986 promotional video featuring The Tombstones song, Black Cat from the Grave Matter EP. This video was originally shot and edited in Atlanta, Georgia by a film student friend of the band. "Pick up your bones and rattle 'em in the hall. Old black cat, you know he's got no sound at all."

And finally, even though it is so totally not goth, no good video collage would be complete without the infamous Saturday Night Live skit, "More Cowbell!." "Guess what? I gotta fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!"

Know of a cool video (goth subject matter, of course) that should be featured here? Have a suggestion or a word of praise for this page? Just want to chat? Email me damn it, I get lonely!

Books by Curt Rowlett
	Labyrinth13: True Tales of the Occult, Crime & Conspiracy Available from Lulu.com and Amazon.com.

	Riding On Your Fears: A Manson Murders Essay Available from Lulu.com and Amazon.com.

	The Curse of Palmyra Island Available from Lulu.com and Amazon.com.

Life is pain. Life is only pain. We're all taught to believe in happy fairytale endings. But there's only blackness. Dark, depressing loneliness that eats at your soul. Who needs that Ken and Barbie love, anyway? Everyone's just walking around like a bunch of conformists. Go ahead and wear your business suits so you can make thirty-four thousand dollars a year to buy your condominium. They're all zombies racing to their graves. Love didn't work for my mom and dad. Why should it work for me?

My dad is such an asshole. Drunken bastard doesn't even know I exist. But then he won't let me go to the Skinny Puppy concert because my heroin addict aunt is coming over for dinner. Dinner? That's a laugh. Just an excuse for my mom to bitch at me for not wearing girly clothes like all the Britney Spears wannabes at this school. They're all a bunch of Nazi conformists cheerleaders.